There are several different kinds of strength, and I think I have seen almost all of them in my life.

There's the strength that I learned more about than I wanted to as a kid. The kind of strength that taught me how to bury the pain and betrayal deep down inside of me so that no one else would ever see it or know about. The kind of strength that taught me how to lie to myself about everything around me and pretend that everything is normal and all right. It's probably what was my own worst enemy when Connor and I were lost for a year. I knew how to suppress all of my fears and worries, but in doing so, it made me a bit more susceptible to losing hope. I had always acted so strong and tough because I hid everything that wasn't a brave face and a determination to survive.

I learned about another kind of strength from Nick Cutter. Cutter's strength was different in that it was a driven kind of strength. No matter what happened or was thrown our way, Cutter's strength of belief never seemed to falter. It wasn't until Stephen was killed that I saw him doubting his own strength.

From Stephen I learned about a more brash, combative type of strength. It may not have always been the best kind of strength to have, yet even when the odds were against him, he kept it. In the end, it probably is part of what caused his downfall, but I still learned from his strength.

Becker's strength is different. He has the kind of strength that you know will get you through even the worst situations imaginable. His is the strength that isn't loud and it isn't in your face, but you are still completely aware that it's there. You know without a doubt looking at him that he is strong and has this iron-forged strength. There are times though that I see things in his eyes that make me wonder what his strength is fighting with in his mind.

I think out of everyone, though, Connor is one of the strongest people I know. His strength is a quiet kind of strength that few people seem to notice. They overlook how strong he can be because his is a hidden strength. I know that I don't tell him things enough, but his strength amazes me and he is what helped get me through some of the days and nights when we were trapped in the Cretaceous. It always amazes me that he never once gave up hope that someday we would make it back home.


Muse: Abby Maitland
Fandom: Primeval
Words: 456

That would be the ARC, I guess. I've spent so far four years being involved with it. There's probably a lot of super secret stuff that I can't talk about. I'm sure that Jenny would be really annoyed if I did so. Even if she's not a member of the organization, she's still my friend and the one that dealt with the public so we could do our jobs.

The organization I work for isn't safe. In fact it is highly dangerous and even life-threatening. I've lost two very close people thanks to this job. I lost the guy I thought I had been in love with. At the end though, there were so many things that changed. I started realizing that some things between us had changed. When he was killed, though, it was a knife in my chest for awhile. Then I lost the man who was more than my boss and friend. He was like the father I never had.

The institution I've been working for isn't a bad place to work, just a dangerous one.



Muse: Abby Maitland
Fandom: Primeval
Words: 189

I'm pretty sure that abnormal is the story of my life.

I have a job that I love and that keeps me on my toes all of the time -- that I really can't talk to anyone outside of the program about. Trust me, that really makes for awkward silences in family conversations or when you're out for drinks with your chums.

I have reptiles for flat mates, and yes, I am talking about the lizard and snake variety and not using it as a derogatory term for anyone that I know.

I know more things about the prehistoric world than is probably healthy. However, that knowledge has probably saved the lives of me or my friends several times. This does not count the time I was kidnapped by a weird mercreature. Apparently, that one was from the future and not the past -- which is scary in its own right.

I'm not really complaining. I love my life. I could do without some of the things we have all lost because of it. I could really have done without losing Stephen.

What most people would call abnormal, I call normal.

I wouldn't have it any other way.



Muse: Abby Maitland
Fandom: Primeval
Words: 198

Most people who look at me without knowing wouldn't think that I cry about much. I mean, I don't exactly look like a girly girl, you know? I'm a punky looking tomboy with bleached blonde spiky hair and my wardrobe choices vary on my job or my mood.

Mostly my mood and what I can fight or run quickly in, to be honest.

But I can cry and I do. I think I've cried more since working with the ARC than at any other time in my life, though. Then again, working with the ARC has caused me to lose more people in a shorter amount of time, too.

I cried for Connor when he lost his best mate, Tom. Yeah, the guy was trying to kill me only a few moments before, but it wasn't his fault. It was the parasite from the bite that was controlling him. In the end, his spirit was stronger and he died before he would allow himself to hurt anyone. I held onto Stephen and I cried for the pain Connor was going through.

I cried again when Stephen was killed. I wasn't there when he died, I was busy trying to help save our collective asses from Helen's puppet. I wasn't there when he died, but it was Cutter that told me what happened. He told me in private, too. I guess he realized better than anyone how I had felt about Stephen. I cried for Stephen's death, for Cutter for losing his best friend, for the things that Stephen would never do.

I should have walked away after that. I know that nobody on the team would have blamed me if I would have quit right then and there.

I didn't. The team needed me and I have knowledge and skills that can help them. I also needed to stay. I needed to be working on the anomalies and trying to make a difference. I needed to stay with the people I cared about and who had cared about Stephen.

I had no way of knowing that I would shortly be crying all over again.




Muse: Abby Maitland
Fandom: Primeval
Words: 354

The story of my name?

To be honest, I'm really not sure why my parents named me Abby.

Abby. Not Abigail. People who call me Abigail tend to get punched pretty hard. I don't care that most people think that Abby is supposed to be a nickname for Abigail. That isn't my name. My name is Abby. That's what my parents named me.

My middle name is Sarah, and I know why I was given that as a name by my father. It was his sister's name, and it means "princess". From the time I was a little girl, I was always my daddy's princess...

...even if I did prefer playing with lizards, snakes and cars than with dolls and make-up. None of that mattered to my dad. I was much his princess covered in mud and oil as I would be if I was dressed up nicely and going out on the town.

In my case, the name did not make the personality, but my parents have always seemed to be all right with that.




Muse: Abby Maitland
Fandom: Primeval
Words: 176

Something I know by heart?

I could tell you that I know the mating habits of most species of reptiles -- both alive and extinct. I could tell you that I know when certain species of reptiles died out in our history and what the most common causes for those extinctions were.

I'm a scientist. I can recite those and many other facts by heart.

However, the main thing that I know by heart has nothing to do with science or reptiles or anything like that.

I know how long it takes to get past the grief of losing someone whom you love completely and deeply. I know how long it takes the tears to stop falling and how long it takes to keep looking for them in all of the places that you are used to seeing them. I know how long it takes to stop hoping that this is all a dream and you’re going to wake up and see them coming towards you any second.

That kind of grief never ends, and I know that by heart.



Muse: Abby Maitland
Fandom: Primeval
Word Count: 180